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Twenty-five years after disclosing he was gay, Dave Kopay remains a pioneer
Tuesday, December 5, 2000
By DAN RALEY
It was as if everyone in the NFL broke from the huddle, dropped in a stance, listened for the cadence and one guy jumped offside. One guy for all to see.
Nearly 25 years ago, that person was Dave Kopay.
A former University of Washington running back, he was the first professional athlete in the three major sports to reveal his homosexuality, sending shock waves throughout his macho surroundings.
Today, Kopay, 58, lives alone in a newly refurbished home in Los Angeles and sells linoleum for his family-owned business. As the silver anniversary of his personal revelation approaches, he wonders why more of his peers haven't followed his lead.
He took the first step, but the line behind him remains a short one.
"It seems now that the sports world is the last protector of the faith to be bigoted and discriminate," Kopay told the Post-Intelligencer in a recent interview. "It's certainly breaking down everywhere else. We have become mainstream in terms of politics. Maybe (it will happen in sports) in the next 20 years.
"I didn't think it was going to take this long."
Just a half-dozen athletes from pro football and major league baseball have publicly identified themselves as gay, none from the NBA.
Kopay played for the Detroit Lions, Green Bay Packers, New Orleans Saints, San Francisco 49ers and Washington Redskins, retiring in 1972 after a productive nine-year pro career. His private affairs were known to few.
On Dec. 10, 1975, Kopay read the first installment of a newspaper series on gays in sports in the now-defunct Washington Star, a story based solely on anonymous sources. He decided insight was needed. Kopay brashly called Star reporter Lynn Rosellini, daughter of former Washington Gov. Albert Rosellini, and agreed to discuss his homosexuality in print two days later, using his name.
A year later, he wrote a book, "The David Kopay Story," a New York Times best-seller that was updated in 1988 and is headed for a third printing next spring.
"My life is a lot more fulfilled," he said. "One of the things that made me speak out was I felt suffocated. I thought I could do something right."
This past year, Billy Bean, former outfielder for the Detroit Tigers, Los Angeles Dodgers and San Diego Padres, was "outed" by a newspaper story reporting on a Florida restaurant opening involving Bean and his partner.
Glenn Burke, former infielder for the Oakland A's and the Dodgers, was baseball's first openly homosexual player, making his disclosure in a 1979 newspaper interview. He died in 1995 of AIDS complications.
Roy Simmons is the only other NFL player besides Kopay to freely volunteer his sexual preference for men. A former New York Giants and Redskins offensive guard, Simmons made his desires known during a 1992 TV appearance on "The Phil Donahue Show."
Two of Kopay's Redskins teammates, All-Pro tight end Jerry Smith and fullback Ray McDonald, had their gay lifestyles unveiled reluctantly.
Smith was "outed" posthumously after he died of AIDS in 1986 -- by Kopay. The two players briefly were lovers. Kopay acknowledged this relationship when he spoke at the receiver's funeral and in the second printing of his book two years later.
McDonald was a first-round draft pick from the University of Idaho who was arrested for having sex with another man in a public park, an incident that cost him his job with the Redskins in 1968.
Kopay's stance did not revolutionize the NFL. There was a momentary frenzy, then pro football life went back to business as usual.
"For him to come out like he did took a lot of guts," said Jack Thompson, former Washington State and NFL quarterback and an avowed Kopay fan as a kid. "But in my years in the pros, the topic never came up, at least on the teams I played with. I don't remember anyone openly gay. It was never an open issue."
Kopay once estimated between five and 10 percent of all NFL players were homosexual, numbers that matched the general population at the time, numbers he assumes have increased over the past two and a half decades. Fears of public backlash, endorsement losses and ruined careers, he says, have kept today's football-minded gays in the closet.
"They're so nervous about the sports page," he said. "I remember the letters I got, 'How dare you speak about homosexuals on the sports page!'"
Kopay understands the sacrifices involved. His family was similarly outraged by his actions, which created serious rifts.
His older brother, Tony, himself a former UW football player, insisted he was bypassed for the Oregon State head-coaching job because of the timing of his sibling's very public choices. Kopay's late father, Anton, in a fit of anger, told his second-oldest son he would kill him over this.
"I think Tony loves me as a brother now, but I think he really prefers that I would be straight," Kopay said. "I made my brother proud of the ballplayer that I was. It hurt him so much when I spoke out because it blew apart what he thought I was."
Football-related jobs for Kopay were near impossible to obtain. He considered coaching and scouting. At one point, he was stuck selling cars in San Francisco with few options.
"It seemed like I was too gay for the straight world or too straight for the gay world," he said. "I wasn't going anywhere. It was a difficult time for me. I called my uncle and said, 'I really need a job.'"
For nearly 20 years, Kopay has worked as a buyer at Linoleum City, one of Los Angeles' largest flooring companies. He interacts with designers, people in TV and the motion picture business, many of them flamboyant, many of them gay. He's content with this role.
He lives a mile and a half from work in a Spanish-style house he purchased and remodeled. By choice, he lives alone.
"I've become pretty introspective, maybe kind of guarded in some ways," Kopay said. "Though I speak out pretty freely, I really enjoy my solitude and quiet at home. As much as I've been a public person, I'm also a private person."
His health could be better. Kopay needs hip-replacement surgery and relief from a bulging disk in his back. But everything's fixable. He's been careful in his sexual relationships. His world has not been invaded by life-threatening disease.
"I've never been promiscuous, or hugely promiscuous," he said. "I had a bad experience with marijuana at a fairly early time in life, so I didn't do drugs after that. It probably kept me alive. I've been lucky."
A Rose Bowl co-captain with matinee looks, Kopay had his first gay encounters with a UW fraternity brother, but tried to hide them. Kopay wasn't exactly sure about his sexuality. After all, he was a football player.
A P-I photographer captured Kopay in one of the more classic Husky poses after a 22-7 victory over USC in 1963 -- the exhausted and battle-worn halfback was shown walking off the field, blood trickling down his cheek, escorted by a triumphant UW coach Jim Owens.
Into the NFL, his life remained in great conflict. For a year, Kopay was married to a flight attendant, a woman who is now a United Airlines executive, someone who remains close to him.
Kopay finally gave in to all of his urges when he joined the Redskins, his third NFL stop. He regularly hooked up with Smith, the All-Pro player. If their coach, the legendary and Patton-esque Vince Lombardi, only knew.
"How does anything start? We'd go out to dinner together, to some of the gay bars, to discos," Kopay said. "They were all underground, so we weren't really afraid of being seen. People knew who we were and they didn't care. It was kind of a foolish thing to do."
Smith was worldly and charismatic, yet unwilling to get emotionally involved with a younger player. He bragged about having sex with several NFL players. In the offseason, he traveled to some of the most notorious gay hangouts in Europe. His liaison with Kopay lasted part of a season.
When Kopay went public in the Washington Star a few years later, one of the first people he heard from was Smith.
Doing his best Lombardi imitation, Smith said over the phone, "You're really something, mister, you're really something."
They laughed. They talked about writing a book together, but nothing came of this idea. A decade later, Smith was dead from AIDS.
To his face, Kopay never received a negative reaction from former teammates, though he heard some were privately disgusted.
Rick Redman was a Husky teammate and an NFL linebacker, a player known for his conservative bent. He showed support for Kopay.
"I remember the level of intensity and toughness that he showed on the field," Redman said. "From a player's standpoint, I had a great deal of respect for the kind of attitude he brought to the playing environment. When you have that kind of respect for people, the decisions they make in their personal life are often times easy to accept.
"I kind of felt that way about Dave. Coming out took a lot of conviction."
There was once talk of a movie being made about Kopay and his crusade. That was so long ago, actor Nick Nolte was initially suggested for the lead role. Stephen Baldwin would be Kopay's updated choice.
"Someone kind of blond, someone kind of athletic looking," Kopay said with a laugh. "Maybe he's not knarly enough."
Meantime, Kopay fills the busy role of gay athlete activist. He's a pioneer.
Kopay often travels around the country, fulfilling speaking engagements. He has attended symposiums sponsored by the New York Times, accepted invitations to join human-rights panels, including a recent one in Florida. He has contributed to an upcoming HBO special, "Homophobia in Sports," and an unreleased San Francisco Chronicle series on the same.
When Reggie White, then of the Green Bay Packers, criticized nearly every diverse group in a public forum two years ago, Kopay responded with a thoughtful, open letter that was published in the New York Times, refuting each of White's points.
"I hadn't talked to Dave in years, but when I read the letter I felt compelled to track Dave down and call him and tell him what a great letter that was and reaffirm my support for him," said Ron Medved, a former UW teammate and NFL player and now a Seattle business consultant. "I think he's a courageous guy."
Kopay has advised high school and college football players who have sought him out on gay matters, but there has been no interaction with current NFL members.
Mixing pro football and homosexuality, Kopay often times finds himself a lone voice. He has no regrets. He envisions the day when no one cares about a player's sexual preference. A day when he's retired, living in Seattle, watching his Huskies play.
It will take another Kopay, yet one with more power, one with more yards and touchdowns.
"Some day there is going to be an athlete who rises to real stardom and says, 'To hell with it,'" he said. "If a superstar came out in any major sport, it would be so what?"
P-I reporter Dan Raley can be reached at 206-448-8008 or danraley@seattle-pi.com
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